Domicile Passion

Cleaning and loving my home one day at a time

Broken: The reality post April 3, 2013

Filed under: Daily reveries — Sheila @ 1:19 am

I just finished my Five minute Friday post on the word prompt “broken”. I published it, linked it up, and read a few other posts. But my post was inadequate. Way too inadequate.

Aside from the obvious reason that it’s probably not even 50 words in there, the writing didn’t do justice to this ugly word called “broken”.

Because, you see, I had only five minutes to talk about the word. And yet, I would spend the whole night trying to describe what it means or what it is, for me at least. I could bore you to death. Really.

The reality is, I feel broken. I am broken.

From the time I wake up to the time I sleep, I have bright neon signs around me, telling me how broken I am. How inadequate. How pathetic.

Strangers, acquaintances, friends and family, everyone has their opinion. Some may hide behind a fake smile or a kind word, but they all know the same thing: this one’s a broken vessel.

Sometimes I feel like having this big “L” on my forehead. Like a scarlet letter, I must have this vibe that lets people know that I’m vulnerable, gullible, crazy enough to be fooled. Oh no, they don’t take advantage, deliberately. But somehow they know that I can get sucked in into the guilt trip game.

That’s how broken I am.

I feel tired, worn out, at the end of my rope. My vision is bleak. I look around me and I see people who’s smarter, faster, richer, cooler, prettier than me. And I feel the brokenness, the inadequacies, all the more.

Critiqued, criticized, belittled. Passed over, excluded, forgotten. People I don’t know have done it. People I do know (or thought I knew) have. With every little nudge, every remark, every subtle hint, it shouts louder than a church bell tolls: I am unmade.

This is not a pity party. This is just reality hitting head on.

Impatient, unkind, bitter, unforgiving. This is not something I’m proud of.

In every corner, there awaits an opportunity either to fall flat on the face or to rise above it. Guess which one I always end up doing. Who would want to trip and fall? And yet, again and again, I do it. Every single time. Every single day.

When the alarm goes off, I’m anxious to perform well and good. At the end of the day, I feel beaten and pounded. Ground into dust.

Is that the meaning of the phrase “from dust you were and to dust you will return”? Because I feel like dust being sieved through tiny holes in a mesh, squeezed until nothing is left but pulp. What good is that if the essence has run dry?

A faint light. A tiny spark. A hope so small in contrast to the vast darkness.

The brokenness is evident. But something else is more lasting and strong. I cannot fathom its depth and mystery. All I can do is hold on to it and let it pull me. To that place where I can see that brokenness is only skin deep. That I am more than these.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. (2 Corinthians 4:7-10 NIV)


Five minute Friday: Broken March 29, 2013

Filed under: Daily reveries — Sheila @ 11:36 pm

It starts too late or not at all

Sluggish, slow, a pace not too quick

Very early on, tempers flare

By the time it gets to the destination, all frazzled and failing

Morning sun up but the inside’s all cloudy

With tears and grief for a day

That’s not even yet started

Mountains and hills

All ready for toppling

Yet no strength is mustered

No courage for battle

The mind is crippled

The body is tired

The heart is sorrowful

And yet it must proceed

To boundaries unknown


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Five minute Friday: Remember March 21, 2013

Filed under: Daily reveries — Sheila @ 9:52 pm

Linking up today at


It was summer of ’92.

I was supposed to be studying hard because I had Physics lecture and lab classes. And yet I had time to hang out with people from the organization. I met R and L and felt that they were going to be good mentors.

However, it ended up that the worst drama of my life would happen because I got to know them. R looked to be the big brother anyone could wish for. But I should’ve had my alert signals turned up high.

I was judged and branded. Two who stood by me during that time tried their best. But at the end of it all, I was left in the dust.

Looking back, that was probably the lowest point where I found the strength in nobody else but God. I went home looking out into the sunset and had the peace in spite of the heartaches and found that my friendship with God was far more valuable than the friendships with the best of persons.


Menu plan Monday: Week of March 18 March 18, 2013

Filed under: In the kitchen,Menu plan — Sheila @ 12:25 pm


Busy, busy, busy. That’s how the next couple of weeks will look like around here.

Here’s my menu plan this week:

Whew! The menu plan is a long list. Let’s see if I’m able to whip every one of them for lunch and dinner meals this week. At the end of the week, I’m taking the day off from the kitchen. :)

For more menu plan ideas, visit OrgJunkie.


Five minute Friday: Rest March 14, 2013

Filed under: Daily reveries — Sheila @ 9:20 pm

Linking up today at


You know that time when you just want to quit? Yes, that.

I have to evaluate myself and see if I’m putting to much work on myself for nothing. There are days when I feel like struggling to get everything done and yet I see no results to all the hard labor. The piles of paper are still too high, the clothes are all wrinkled, the counters losing their whiteness, crumbs everywhere I look.

I don’t like swimming in the deep. And I don’t like the feeling of losing my breath with all the things I need to do.

Are they really essential? Am I making a mark on someone’s life with what I’m doing? Or am I just flapping in the wind with nowhere to go?

People I know are workaholics and I thought I wasn’t one of them. But this period of my life right now, I think I am.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 NLT)


Menu plan Monday: Week of March 11 March 11, 2013

Filed under: In the kitchen,Menu plan — Sheila @ 11:20 pm


Last week, I didn’t post my menu plan. It was a short week for us here at home since we went on a weekend vacation. I didn’t plan on cooking too much and tried finishing up whatever’s in the refrigerator. So mostly our meals consisted of steamed rice and whatever I can quickly fry. I did make chicken soup with seaweed and a chicken version of my sister-in-law’s salisbury steak. Thankfully, we (gastronomically) survived last week.

Now we’re going back to our daily routine.

The funny thing about not doing a full menu plan for a week is that all of a sudden, ideas are starting to come back. I’ve written down in my planner not only this week’s full menu but also dinner plans for the next two weeks. That should make it easy to do my menu plans since I just have to add breakfast and lunch options and then list down my shopping list.

So here is my menu plan for this week:

  • Vegetable and ham soup
  • Cowboy chili
  • Mozzarella garlic bread
  • Seafood in saffron sauce (for some reason, this recipe keeps getting pushed off my menu plan)
  • Zesty chicken mozzarella sandwiches
  • Mexican black bean & beef soup
  • Fried rice with Chinese sausage
  • Breakfast, snack and school lunch options: muffin, tater tots, goldfish crackers, raisins, PBJ sandwich, cereal, rice krispies, pancake, bacon, eggs, popcorn, buttermilk biscuit with jam, grilled cheese sandwich

For more menu plan ideas, visit OrgJunkie.


Five minute Friday: Home March 8, 2013

Filed under: Daily reveries — Sheila @ 12:39 pm

Linking up today at


When I feel like I’m a feather floating around and finding someplace to land, then I remember.

This is not my home.

When I remember the multiple houses I’ve lived in since being born, then I remember.

This is not my home.

When I yearn for a bigger, better-looking house, then I remember.

This is not my home.

When I yearn for oldtime friends and wonderful memories of years gone by, when I think of the places where I felt most at home and have the urge to revisit them yet again, then I remember.

My home is not here.

I may live for another thirty years and may move in yet another house or two, but I will never be at home and comfortable here.

For my home is grander than I can ever imagine. I have Revelation to tell me what it would look like, but my imagination can never compare to what it would be in reality. In heaven’s reality.

“For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.” (Hebrews 13:14 NLT)